Behind the Mask

I’m not allowed to show any emotion

I’m not allowed to cry

I’m the big sister

It’s my job to be the strong one

I don’t even know what to feel

What to say, how to act, what to think

Should I even try to understand?

Or at least pretend like I do?

Sometimes I think I know everything

But I really know nothing

Still, I put on a smile

And nod my head like I know what’s going on

Living life behind a mask

Can only succeed in one thing:

Becoming a fake

And no one can deny, that’s what I am

But behind the mask

I long to be free

To have a normal life

The kind every kid wants

The mask also covers my ears

So I can pretend like I don’t hear the screams from behind closed doors

And it covers my hands

So I can’t reach out and shake myself awake

All alone in a dark room by myself

Or in a crowded room full of people

Either way,

I am alone

Can this ever end?

Will we ever be a family?

Or will this mask become a permanent part of me…

Only time will tell.