I’m not allowed to show any emotion
I’m not allowed to cry
I’m the big sister
It’s my job to be the strong one
I don’t even know what to feel
What to say, how to act, what to think
Should I even try to understand?
Or at least pretend like I do?
Sometimes I think I know everything
But I really know nothing
Still, I put on a smile
And nod my head like I know what’s going on
Living life behind a mask
Can only succeed in one thing:
Becoming a fake
And no one can deny, that’s what I am
But behind the mask
I long to be free
To have a normal life
The kind every kid wants
The mask also covers my ears
So I can pretend like I don’t hear the screams from behind closed doors
And it covers my hands
So I can’t reach out and shake myself awake
All alone in a dark room by myself
Or in a crowded room full of people
I am alone
Can this ever end?
Will we ever be a family?
Or will this mask become a permanent part of me…
Only time will tell.